I hate myself right now. I broke with somone I realy loved. Due to long distance for 2 and a half years, I couldn't handle being so far away. I kept telling myself I can do this, but I made it worse. I thought I can do it but I just can't. I feel like such a bad person for breaking his heart. I can't force myself to feel the way I used to. I need to find myself now. I realy hope he will find happiness. I miss him and I wish I can still be with him. But I know I will get confused again and hurt him once more. I can't live with myself doing that to him. If we could have seen eachother at least once, I would have waited forever...I guess all good things come to an end.
Now I listen to a song by A7X. to express how I feel right now

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
These streets we travel on will undergo our same lost past
I found you here, now please just stay for a while
I can move on with you around
I hand you my mortal life, but will it be forever?
I'd do anything for a smile, holding you 'til our time is done
We both know the day will come, but I don't want to leave you
I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one picture)
Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
Newborn life replacing all of us, changing this fable we live in
No longer needed here so where do we go?
Will you take a journey tonight, follow me past the walls of death?
But girl, what if there is no eternal life?
I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one picture)
Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real
So, what if I never hold you, yeah, or kiss your lips again?
Woooaaah, so I never want to leave you and the memories of us to see
I beg don't leave me
Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real
Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day [x2 then continues in the background]
I stand here alone
Falling away from you, no chance to get back home
I stand here alone
Falling away from you, no chance to get back home